ReGeneration Counseling Coaching

The many sides of Assuming


The definition of assuming is the action of formulating or

verbalizing an idea for which there is no evidence.

People generally see what they look for and hear what they listen for.

 Quote from To Kill a Mocking Bird.

Is assuming a problem for you? It was a big problem for me. It really set in when our eldest daughter was getting into a lot of trouble and I was trying to catch her in the “act.” This led to being hyper-vigilant with her and our relationship became a horrible game of accusations, over blown fear and assuming the worse. This not only hurt us but limited her God given potential.

How are assuming and discernment different? Great question. Discernment usually comes with exhortations, seen as Motivational Gifts. Sounds great right? You can see other’s needs, their blind spots and know ways to fix their issues, but remember what the word says in:

Matthew 7:5 “Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.”

James 1:23,24 “Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like.”

The barometer; the telltale sign to whether you are successful in your gifting is the quality of your relationships. Ouch! When wisdom is exercised, and your relationship is healthy, they will ask you for help! If all you get is “talk to the hand”, eye rolling or resistance you have crossed a line. Pray for wisdom and discernment in using your gift appropriately. Stand in faith that God has this under control. Release that tight grip and step into love.

James 1:5 “If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.” Then wait.

When we assume, and point out their issues we hurt people. Our very intent to help is met with hurt. Our very attempt to relate is met with push back. We are trying to open the butterfly cocoon too soon. Remember the fruit is the Lord’s not our’s. Are you operating out of tune with the spirit? Are you operating in your own personal brand of wisdom? Do you feel you have the “right” because you have the “gift”?

Assuming shuts down our thought process.

Assuming gets you stuck in “the way it is”.

Assuming is not loving and open ended.

Assuming is another form of judging.

Assuming is not fruitful, for you or others.

Assuming can set your mind on a path where you find yourself alone.

Assuming will keep our actions limited and prevent forward movement.

Assuming is egotistical, Assuming is a habit, Assuming is shortsighted.

Assuming is always coming from our own personal paradigm. Our own personal paradigm is limited.

It is best to assume you don’t have the full picture.

It is best to lead someone to their own truths rather than point them out.

Asking questions is the kindest and most generous way to get more information.

Asking questions is the kindest and most generous way to relate with someone.

Asking questions is the kindest and most generous way to remain in the moment.

oh yea… and that guy in the photo at the top? click here:

As a recovering assumer, I am so blessed and amazed by the creativity of God to work out problems, situations, and big issues in his timing. I am living in freedom to pursue my purpose for his Kingdom work. Exercising this restraint will grow you like no other character strength.

Proverbs 15:23 Everyone enjoys a fitting reply; it is wonderful to say the right thing at the right time!

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